Surrender

Each month she decides, and I submit to her will
When the waves of pain wash over me and I feel her command.
Lie down. Stop. Surrender.
The illusion of control I had is gone. The warrior laid to rest.
A deep softening and humbling.
Delicate as a flower, I let her give me full permission to do nothing. Be nothing.
She gives me no choice but to accept help from my community.
To be cared for.
Oh, the independent goddess identity, how she has resisted this for so long.

This monthly death and rebirth has become the deepest surrender I know.
The pain is a medical mystery with no cause to be found. The intensity brings me to tears. I feel her shape so vividly as she is ablaze in my body.
Nothing brings me into my body like this sharp, intense form of awareness.
Some months it's a primal dance of cells moving and vibrating, some months it's a divine war raging and setting everything on fire.
This excruciating mystery with no clear answers, only the deep power of my Womb's consciousness as she takes charge for this part of the cycle.
As she decides how life will express through me.

She is more powerful than my heart and mind in these times. She runs the show.
And I learn more about what it is to surrender each month.
As I surrender to something bigger than my own mind.
And release control to the mystery of her power.

Luna, 29, Australia